Psychologists, Physical Therapy, and Parenting Growth - The Covid School Year

 

Above - last day of school June 25

Below - Lake George June 27

     The school year here in NYC finished up a little over a month ago and by golly THAT WEEKEND we took off for Lake George and the mountains and nothing filled our brains but what we were going to eat for our next meal and how long we could stay on the beach/in the water! Seriously though it has taken every bit of this past month for me to process all the past year entailed. I know for all of us, everywhere, the 2020/2021 school year took it's toll. I cannot imagine the weight placed on teachers and all school staff as decisions were made to try and safely care for and yet still educate each school community. The burden placed on my fellow parents this past year as we tried to make the best decision we could for our children and our families in regards to education still weighs heavy on my heart. There have been many days I wondered if we made the right choice for our kids by sending them in to school part of the week (every day of the week was not an option at the beginning of the year in NYC), and then having to deal with school closures, shut downs, and day to day uncertainty. However, I long to remember the good, the bad, and the ugly of it all because here we are after having finished the mother of all school years, on the other side of it, and my kids and I are still mostly in one piece! All of the credit, all of the honor, all of the praise for that is due to the faithfulness of the God we serve, and also the incredible prayer warriors and partners we have alongside us on this journey. Side note: I've said it before and I'll keep saying it - if you are not part of a Bible believing church family you are missing out! Find one, keep trying until you do. The prayers of God's people are powerful and effective and sustaining. So thank you to each one of you who have been a part of this journey! My thoughts and memories on the past school year can be pretty much summed up with the three different things listed in the title of this blog post. 

 

First day of online school for Maria - Sept. 16, 2020 

First day of in person school for Moses - Sept. 17, 2020

     So let's just jump right in to it. This was my first experience ever seeking help from a trained medical doctor in regards to mental health. But it was not for me, it was for my 7 year old daughter. I'll get into more of the details but let me just say it was SO GOOD for us and I think everyone should see a therapist now and then! Okay, maybe just everyone who lives in NYC because it is nuts here. Anyway, our scheduled start day for school was the week after Labor Day but as the date approached it was clear there were more questions than answers from the NYC DOE and that they were not at all ready to bring students back. So the year started off rocky and uncertain, as pretty much everything was in 2020. We had a start date, then it continued to get pushed back further and further, until finally they announced that every one would start the year remotely. However, Moses was starting pre-k at a local community center. He was not at a regular NYC public school. So of course, he started right on time. My sweet Maria, who is so social and loves school and loves people, had to sit at home and learn from an iPad while her younger brother gets to go in to school and she WAS NOT HAVING IT. We made her a space to work in her room, made her a desk area with her name on it, bought her all the new school supplies, and the excitement for that lasted all of maybe half a day before she was totally over it. Well thank the Lord she was finally allowed to go into school in person on October 1! But at the same time the excitement of it all was definitely overshadowed by the daily health screenings that had to be filled out and turned in, temperature checks at the front door, desks 6 feet apart in classrooms, no trips to the cafeteria or recess, and the possibility of randomly being chosen to be COVID tested at school. This girl does not handle anything well that has to do with doctors or sickness and so each day she went to the school building we were faced with the possibility of a COVID test. The changes were overwhelming to say the least for the adults, how much more was that multiplied in her young mind. She was in school yes, but oh how different it was. 

 

Waiting for health screening and temp check first day of in person school - Oct. 1, 2020

 

     Next up was her birthday which my parents have always been with her in person to help celebrate. We knew of course with the travel restrictions in NY and the quarantine rules that it would not be possible for her grandparents to come, but it still hurt. After that the positive COVID cases in her school started to pop up and we were faced with her school being shut down for cleaning and we were literally on a day to day basis....waiting for the email in the evening to see whether or not her school would be open the next day. We had the anticipation for about a month of Thanksgiving because my parents were planning to come, which got us all excited. We have never had family with us on Thanksgiving since moving to NYC. Well as 2020 would have it the kids got sick the beginning of Thanksgiving week and those plans also got canceled. Now don't get me wrong, with all that the city had been through in 2020 we are grateful and thankful and blessed that the Lord protected our family. However, to a 7 year old girl, who her whole life has always been so full of big feelings and big emotions, these were some major blows to her. She was not handling any of it well. We had some pretty terrible days at home. If you know my mother don't ask her how many times I called in the evenings crying, defeated, and pretty sure the whole year was going to be a gigantic fail. Maria had some pretty intense meltdowns and it always seemed to manifest itself in her as some sort of worrisome or anxious thoughts. It was either the best day of her life or the worst day of her life, and many of them were the worst. She was so full of anxiety about school, her family, and even I noticed it as we started walking around the streets of the Bronx. So finally we had her yearly appointment with the pediatrician and after unloading all my thoughts and concerns on her she recommended without hesitation that we see a child psychologist. I didn't know what to expect at all and I honestly thought she might just go straight to suggesting some sort of medication. I was nervous but again, God Almighty in all of His grace and goodness, led us to a wonderful child psychologist. We did not begin meeting with her until after Christmas but she was a God-send. Through weekly sessions she helped Maria and myself learn more about how to think through and process some of these feelings in different ways and IT WORKED! The meltdowns became fewer, the anxiety about school and COVID lessened, and slowly but surely we faced these demons and Maria actually finished the program showing very little anxiety. I will never stop recommending meeting with a medical professional to face mental health issues head on. In fact, I myself was recently referred by my primary care doctor to go see a therapist as I've been told I'm now dealing with panic attacks. But that's another story for another time. Anyway, child psychologists who know their stuff are a wonderful resource if you have a child dealing with anxiety, stress, or any other mental health issue. Seek help if you need it, it's worth it. It's a time commitment though. It definitely changed our routine at home. The doctor gave us things to work on at home so we had to put in the time and effort together to tackle these issues but it's something I never want to forget. SO much bonding took place between my sweet daughter and myself as each evening before bed we talked through what she had written in her "worry journal" throughout the day. She would not let a day pass without discussing it and it became some special time between the two of us. So for that, I am grateful. 

     Our special one-on-one time also included plenty of treats, frozen yogurt, and even a trip to the slime museum!

 

     So, not only did the effects of COVID show up in our family through mental health issues, but it also affected Maria physically. This was actually my first sign that something was up with my daughter. Early on in 2020, about March when all the schools shut down for the first time, she started walking on her toes. She had never walked on her toes. I know now it was the way she responded to feeling stressed, and she told the psychologist that at our first meeting. She would tense up her whole body all the way down to pointing her toes, and it became a habit to walk that way. She's always been an all or nothing type of girl. 😉 And what she was feeling she felt in her entire being. Because of COVID though I was not about to take my child anywhere near a hospital or doctor's office if it wasn't absolutely necessary. So we did nothing. Looking back I probably should have taken her into the pediatrician sooner or sought some sort of input from a medical professional, but we honestly just thought it would go away. It did not go away. In fact it just became second nature to her and got to the point she didn't even realize she was on her toes. She walked that way all the time. So after a visit to a neurologist and a rehabilitation doctor we learned that her bones had grown but because she was always up on her toes her muscles have not grown properly. And that's something that needs to be corrected. Since April this precious child has gone faithfully twice a week to physical therapy. As an added bonus, she also now has to wear leg braces that are made so that they do not allow her to even go up on her toes and are retraining her how to walk properly. So not only have we been working this year on retraining our brain and the way we think about things, but now we are trying to retrain the body. It's been a heck of a school year for sure. This past week as I sat at physical therapy and watched Maria struggle through the exercises with her braces on her legs I was overcome with compassion for this remarkable human being. It's so easy as an adult to get into the mindset of let's just suck it up and do what needs to be done and push through the hard things. But God gently reminded that after a year like we've had, and after I've watched her do these hard things on a weekly basis, she needs me to show her that she has my unconditional love and support. I am unbelievably proud of her and all that she has accomplished.

 

Working hard at physical therapy 2 times per week, every week since March 2021

     Which I guess leads me into the final part of what I want to remember from the COVID school year and that is how much growth this year brought about in me as a parent. I have only been a parent about 8 years, so obviously I still have a lot of learning and growing to do, but this year seemed to magnify some different areas that I needed a little help with. Quick story: as we woke up a few days before Christmas to head to the airport and fly to Oklahoma to celebrate with our family, Maria was a basket case....but in a good way! She just kept saying she was crying tears of joy because she could not actually believe that we were really going to get to go. The plans we had made for Christmas were really happening! She had been preparing herself for those plans to fail. She had been telling herself that it probably would not happen and it was clear she expected to be disappointed. As I look back on it I'm sure it was in her head for months and was showing up as meltdowns and anxiety and stress as she did not know how to process all the disappointments. My daughter feels so deeply and wears her heart on her sleeve, and that is such a foreign concept to me. I am pretty much the exact opposite in every way. So what am I to do with this beautiful young lady whose heart has been placed in my care? 

 

I guess we make more trips to the mall! This girl LOVES all the shopping! Me....not so much. But for her, I'll do it.

      On a more serious note though, God has made it more clear to me this year than ever before how important God-given wisdom is. I absolutely cannot be a good steward of her heart, one that seems so opposite from my own, without wisdom and insight from the God who created her and knows her intimately. I've always heard the verse from James 1:5 which says "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God" but this year that verse came alive more than ever and God showed me that He is ready and willing to give wisdom generously to those who ask. To be honest I had not been in the habit of asking for wisdom regularly before this COVID school year. Sure I would pray for her and for wisdom, but this past year taught me how much I NEED it daily. I remember vividly one particular school day at home where I was super frustrated with the whole entire system of everything and Maria was crying about something and I was about to pop off with a non Holy Spirit led comment, to put it nicely. I felt like God literally grabbed hold of my tongue and held my words, and my attitude and thoughts changed suddenly! I was overwhelmed with compassion instead of anger and patience instead of frustration. God had truly given me new wisdom in the midst of an overwhelming situation. He showed me just how powerful God-given wisdom truly is. It's available to every believer too if you just ask and it is incredible when God's wisdom takes over in a situation! God also grew in me compassion for my daughter. To be honest sometimes it's hard to really take joy in parenting her because there is always SO MUCH EMOTION. Now don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and she brings so much life and joy to our family and I wouldn't change her for anything! But through this last school year I feel God has given me more understanding of her. As we did our daily worry journal each evening there was a period of time where we read Psalm 139:13-16 and talked about how she is "fearfully and wonderfully made" and that God has ordained all of her days. As we went over these verses day after day the truth of God's word came alive for me and I began to see more of how she is "fearfully and wonderfully made". In order to continue to grow in Godly wisdom we have to be in God's word. The more Maria and I did that together the more I began to grow in compassion for her and the more she began to realize that she is an anointed child of God and that He has great big plans for her, emotions and feelings and all! Finally, God showed me that in order for her to grow as His child, she has to be able to stand on the truth. That truth is a person and His name is Jesus and it's my job to do everything in my power to point her to the cross. So this COVID school year we looked to the truth of who Jesus is every morning before school. Some mornings were harder than others, some mornings it didn't happen at all in the morning, but consistency is the key and we were better than we were the year before, so that's a win in my book! We were in the word, we were reading His promises, and we were going about our day with Him before us, not behind us. This COVID school year taught me so much more that it's hard to put it all into words. He is alive and active friends and His heart is for families. Even when we think we've screwed up this year taught me it's not too late. My God is the God who can restore and redeem when we think we've already failed. If you don't know this, ask me about it and I'd love to tell you more of what He can do in your life and the life of your family!

New Life versus Old Longings

 

 

     We love any reason to celebrate in this family! Jordan is always looking for an excuse to have a party and eat good food, well mainly cake I think. In fact, he really just had like a week and a half long celebration for his birthday! The guy knows how to LIVE IT UP. His daughter is just like him too. Maria recently got a new calendar for her room and has asked about celebrating just about every holiday listed on there, from President's Day to Ash Wednesday to Australia Day. So, you can imagine the excitement as we approach Easter. Which I do have to say, Easter is probably my favorite holiday. I love that my kids are old enough now to really start to grasp the story of Easter as we do the resurrection eggs each night in the week and a half leading up to Easter Sunday (just last week Moses told a girl working in the bakery that Jesus died on the cross for our sins). I love their excitement to go to church on Easter and be with our church family, and then of course hunt eggs and get candy which fuels much of their excitement. Not only do these family traditions mean so much but also just the hope Easter Sunday brings, the peace it provides, the reminder it gives that no matter what happens in this life I have a Savior who died on a cross in my place, but he did not stay dead! Instead He came back to life 3 days later and walked out of that grave - THAT is worthy of celebration! Knowing that no matter what life throws at me Jesus lives in my heart, took the punishment and death that I deserved, and is even now preparing a place for me in heaven to be with him when I die, this is what brings so much comfort amid the chaos. Needless to say, there is much to love about Easter and we are here for it.

      However, in stark contrast with all that I mentioned above that is so worthy of celebrating, this year I was struggling as we approached Easter. I really didn't know what to anticipate moving across the country to a place like NYC but here is how it kind of has worked for me, in a very abbreviated form. The first couple years we were here I had A LOT of pretty bad days. Tears were shed, doubts were had, and many honest (to put it nicely) conversations happened between my husband and me and also between God and me. Now don't forget I was pregnant so I can blame some of this on pregnancy hormones right? Well no matter what you call it there were many early days filled with longing to go back to our "normal" way of life. Some normal ways of life for me had included growing up with space (in every aspect of the word), less noise, less people, and family close by just to name a few.  One of my biggest longings was to have my kids' grandparents nearby as I did growing up and have such wonderful memories with them! These longings really made me sad some days. However, as we settled into life in the Bronx with a new routine, a new kid, and a new normal God continued to be so gracious and guide me with such patience. All the glory and praise to Him for His faithful provision for us, even in the midst of my unbelief. Slowly the tears lessened, slowly the longings eased, slowly I adjusted. Thank the Lord for Facetime also! What a blessing technology is in that aspect, to be able to see the grandparents faces on a daily basis. Anyway, I tell people now that probably 75-80% of the time I feel like I've got a handle on this, I'm a New Yorker, I can live in the Bronx. The rest of the time I find myself thinking what in the world is God doing with me here. There are so many ups and downs. 

     Anyway, back to Easter. As we approached Easter this year I was sad. I was seeing pictures of families together for the weekend, I was again longing for my kids to be able to celebrate with their cousins and grandparents and have those memories as I do from my childhood. I was filled with thoughts of what we seem to be missing out on. Now some of this is being amplified through my daughter. Satan is so crafty and cunning and just knows how to get at us at our most vulnerable points doesn't he? As Maria gets older she is of course becoming more aware of the happenings of day to day life and has recently been making comments about how she never gets to be in Oklahoma to celebrate special events like cousin birthdays and every other holiday besides Christmas. Just the other day we were playing barbies and the story line was about how some of the barbies were going to see their new baby cousin who was just born, which if you don't know this my kids will have a new baby cousin born in Oklahoma in just a few months. So the enemy was at work trying to steal my joy and I was letting him. 

     But God. He is SO GOOD AND SO FAITHFUL. And boy am I humbled to be able to be here. We had already decided to head back out to our park for church that morning as we have done in past years, before COVID. We also decided to go ahead and put on our own Easter egg hunt for kids, which our church had not done that ever. We had always participated with Full Element Martial Arts and their egg hunt that had been happening in the neighborhood for years. Anyway, God showed up in so many big ways and I want to remember Easter 2021 in our church planting journey forever! 

      First of all, we had the most beautiful and non-rainy Sunday we've had in weeks! All the prayers that were prayed for good weather, God heard and answered over and abundantly more than we expected. It was a perfect day! Also, God provided greatly through our church members here in the Bronx as they donated eggs, candy, and their time and efforts to stuff over 1,100 plastic Easter eggs for the children in our community. Not only did they provide for the egg hunt but they also showed up hours before church to save our spot at the park, they carried chairs through the park to set up, they prayed with individuals, they registered and greeted new people, they used their personal vehicles to transport food and anything else that was needed, they translated for those who did not understand English, and they went above and beyond to serve our Pelham Parkway community! Also, so many of our faithful partners across the United States gave and donated through gifts and donations for Easter Sunday and to all of you also we are so grateful. I am so proud to be a part of Everlasting Church and this body of believers God is putting together. Even as I went to church that day filled with these old nagging longings that were trying to distract me, God's faithfulness and provision through His church once again overwhelmed my soul and helped fill me with joy. At a little over 150 people present for the egg hunt, we had the most people we have ever had attend an Everlasting Church event! Praise the Lord! As we continue to try and follow-up with the guests we had Easter morning we are praising God for these new people we got to meet, some of whom are now coming on Sunday mornings. Also, many of the new faces we are having on Sunday mornings are different nationalities. That has been one of our prayers from the beginning, that God would build a multi-cultural and diverse church and HE IS! God is at work, He is continuing to open doors for us, and the longer I was out at the park that morning the more I was reminded of what a privilege it is to be here and how exciting it is to be able to see God at work. The fear and sadness of what I was thought I was missing out on once again turned to joy and excitement as I experienced first-hand God at work in the Bronx. 

 

 

     Finally, the absolute best part of the day and a great big testimony to the power of God at work, was that we had 1 salvation! But it is the story behind that salvation y'all that lifts my soul and reminds me that God is still bringing about NEW LIFE. There are so many days that I wish the church planting life would move more quickly. While we are in the day to day grind sometimes my perspective gets so skewed and all I see are the things that are not happening. Maria started pre-k in 2017 and we met a wonderful family who quickly became friends. We love their family. We know the cousins, we know the siblings of the parents, and they are all fantastic. They have been used by the Lord to minister to my lonely heart more than once, without even knowing it. They have been to church countless times. I have personally shared the gospel and had conversations one on one with the mom about making the decision to follow Jesus. She would say she was not ready. It's been a 4 year relationship, one that I am so grateful for, and Easter Sunday morning the mom gave her heart to Christ, hallelujah! Cue all the happy tears! Not only that, but she has jumped right in for our online Bible study and is wanting to learn about Jesus and what it means to follow him. I know that 4 years to see someone come to know Christ might not seem like that much time in the big scheme of things, but when someone's eternity is at stake it feels like forever! Praise God who is so faithful and is still leading people to Himself and creating NEW LIFE. 

     New York City is a tough place to live. The Bronx is on a whole other level at that. And the thing is, the longer we are here the more people God is leading our way who are in the same boat as our friend who was just saved Easter Sunday. There are so many people who do not have a relationship with Jesus who I know and LOVE dearly, and it is sometimes almost too much to bear. Satan has such a strong hold. Thank goodness for Easter! Thank God for hope! And thank the Lord that He is still alive and well and working right in the middle of the Bronx. Easter Sunday and the salvation of one of my dear friends here was just what this weary soul needed. God added to His family yes, but in the process He reminded me that the effort is worth it, the hard days are worth it, the tears and burdens, the longings and loneliness are worth it. This is a lesson I want to remember for a long time, and for anywhere God leads us. Whoever you are praying for, whoever you are ministering to, whatever your calling, "let us not become weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" - Galations 6:9.

 

I will leave you with one of our favorite pictures of the day! 😂 The little boy just could not take it anymore.....and I totally get it.

 

2020: The Year I Never Want to Forget

     C.S. Lewis said "You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending." Well we officially made it to 2021 and to God be the glory...we're still here y'all! 2020 was a YEAR wasn't it. How many times I've wished we could just go back and change the whole trajectory of the past year. Or on the flip side I've also wished we could have just skipped over the majority of the year and jumped straight to 2021....maybe then things would be somewhat back to normal. Maybe the hope and anticipation of a new year would help ease the hurt and the fear and the pain of the previous one. However, life just keeps moving forward and if what we've seen so far of 2021 has been any indication of what is to come then my goodness it's hard to get my hopes up too much. As I came across the C.S. Lewis quote I started reflecting back on 2020. It is written in history; we cannot change it. But my hope and prayer is that it will forever change me. I serve a God who is still able to redeem and restore even the WORST of circumstances and use them for His good and His glory! God taught and led and carried my family through this past year and as I think about the future I want to reflect on the past and focus my thoughts for just a minute on some GOOD that came out of 2020. As I look back at the past year my hope is that it does not just end with that - a reflection. There are five main lessons which God so graciously impressed upon my spirit and I want to carry these into 2021 and let them continue to change and impact the way I live. So here are the top 5 things I want to never forget from 2020. If we aren't careful, history will repeat itself. If we are careful we can take what we learned and use it to help change the future for the better.

1. One of the hardest, yet necessary, lessons God has been working out in me is PATIENCE. And it is a lesson I don't want to be quick to forget! There was a time not too long before covid when we were having week after week of our small group Bible study with our church family and patience was the theme. Whether it be coworkers, family members, finances, church decisions, whatever it was we spent many a weeks praying together for God to give us patience. Can I just say OH LORD, I think we have the message! If there is one thing the Lord has confirmed to me it is that I am not supposed to be a teacher. Talk about learning patience. We've been doing this remote school thing for almost a year now and I feel like I am just now starting to get my footing. Anyway, by about April last year when everything was shut down, school was not starting up anytime soon, I was dealing with a very social 6 year old who was now not allowed to be around people, also a very social and extroverted husband who now was not leading a church in person nor was he able to be out and about in the neighborhood as usual, I can look back and realize God was working on me. Of course it starts at home, where it's often so hard to live out these lessons! When you have a daughter who repeatedly lets you know "you're my mom, you are not my teacher", wants nothing at all to do with school at home, cries multiple times a day out of anger and worry and a whole lot of fear, you need God-given patience. When you have a husband who now has to lead a church from behind a camera and is at home, getting in your space almost 24/7 (now don't get me wrong, I love my husband!), you need God-given patience. However, our prayer for patience shouldn't stop there. As we encounter people on a daily basis with different political views, as we shop in stores with our neighbors, as we ride the subway,  as we view social media posts that go against every fiber of our being, as we rub shoulders EVERY SINGLE DAY with someone who has probably lost a loved one to covid or have had to fight it themselves, may I be someone who is quick to give others the benefit of the doubt and an extra dose of patience. The people around me are fighting some big battles and as God has given me grace upon grace I pray that this year I would be one who is quick to extend grace to those around me.
   
   Maria and Moses in the very early days of remote schooling. Having them sit side by side didn't last long! We're coming up on a year of remote schooling and I'm just beginning to feel like it is working okay, sometimes. So much patience!
   
   Here is a behind the scenes look at our home recording studio in the early days. It evolved, I feel like we became a little better at it, but man was it an adjustment!
   
   Our neighbors, our people, during the height of the pandemic. Many of them dress differently than me, have different skin colors, and different political views. But so many stopped here for prayer. May we always be people who stop, listen, and have patience for those God places in our path.
   
    
   
2. The second lesson which came out of this past year has been to slow down and FOCUS ON THE FAMILY. I read a Bible verse during the height of the pandemic that has taken hold of my heart. It is 1 Timothy 6:20 and the first part of it says "Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to you." It is literally translated "guard the deposit". In this letter from Paul to Timothy he is most likely referring to "the faith" or "the gospel" which was under attack by false teachers. The gospel ministry is proclaiming the good news of Jesus Christ and is to be transmitted through the generations by His followers. It is my responsibility to guard the gospel message - to faithfully proclaim and protect it. The greatest way I can guard my faith and the message of the gospel is to pass it on to my children. Yes we have our church, yes I believe that God still wants to use the church to carry the gospel message to the ends of the earth. We would not be here planting a church in the Bronx if we didn't believe that. However, as we were suddenly confronted with much more time together last year and as I came face to face with the fact that these two little humans were watching my every move, my every reaction, hearing every word that came out of my mouth in response to the world around me I realized more than ever that my calling is to teach them the message of the gospel. My greatest desire while they are at home with me is to make sure they know The Truth and can stand on it when they are out in the world. Being a Christian is not going to get easier as they grow up. The gospel seems more than ever to be under attack by false teachers. Truth is hard to come by. 2020 taught me more than ever to be intentional about teaching my kids the gospel and in that respect I am forever grateful for the trials of the past year. So yes we are still doing remote school, but more than that we are making it our first priority to memorize Scripture, study the Bible, and learn who Jesus is and why he is the only truth that we can hold on to. It sure took me awhile to grasp this concept....God's still working on me for sure. Not only did focusing on the family mean being more intentional with teaching the gospel, but 2020 also gave us ample time to focus on family TIME together! We had a lot of family walks, hikes, exploring opportunities, camping trips and vacations together. I am forever grateful for the memories we made in 2020 and the extra time we had together and I hope that's something we carry over into this new year and years to come.
   
   

   
   
   
3. The third lesson that came out of the chaos of last year is to DO SOMETHING. As shelves became empty in stores, people were furloughed or laid off completely, lines to get into stores were wrapped around buildings and down sidewalks, sickness was prevalent, fear and anxiety could be felt just walking the streets of our neighborhood, God spoke to our hearts to do something. We did not know what to do though. My ever doubting self was full of thoughts along the lines of "we are such a small church what can we really do" or "the need is so great how can we really help all these people"? I tend to think along the lines of wanting to help everyone with everything, which can get exhausting. Anyway, God is so gracious with us to continue to lead and guide and teach us to trust Him because through Him all things are possible. So what did we do? We went after toilet paper and hand sanitizer! After talking with one of our church members who told us some not so pleasant details about not being able to get toilet paper God pushed us in the direction to try and gather personal care items and give them to our neighbors....thus began our "Blessing Bag" ministry! Through videos, pleas for help, and the generosity and kindness of our partners and brothers and sisters in Christ here in the Bronx and ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY, we were able to make bags of supplies such as toilet paper, masks, disposable gloves, hand soap, hand sanitizer, and some other blessings. I can never say THANK YOU enough to each of you who have given, prayed for us, donated supplies, sent groceries and helped us be the hands and feet of Jesus. I will also never forget the first Saturday I went out to White Plains Road in our neighborhood with a couple of our church members and about 80 ziploc bags to hand out. They were gone faster than we could get them out of the car and a man who didn't get a bag got rather upset and said "That's all you've got? That's nothing!" So we told him we would be back there next week, same time and same place with more bags. Week after week God provided more supplies. Week after week our church had volunteers show up and donate time, money, and efforts to help reach our neighbors. Week after week we did something. Did everyone get a bag every week? Unfortunately not. But as we transitioned to grocery bags and now do it on a monthly basis we are doing what we can. The saying which goes "no one can do everything, but everyone can do something" is so true. I still believe as we work together and all do a little bit we can make a big difference! So my prayer in 2021 and years to come is that I would continue do something. Find a way to be a blessing. Take cookies to neighbors. Deliver food to the family fighting covid or some other illness. Send a card to someone in the mail just to check in. My kids just recently got done making cards for some people in our church. There are numerous ways we can do something to help meet a physical need. As believers live out the gospel and sincerely love our neighbors as we love ourselves, we can spur the church and other believers on to do the same; and I have to believe the more people show the love of Jesus to a lost and dying world the more the good news of Jesus will spread like a wildfire. As the lost people around us see followers of Jesus Christ genuinely loving on our communities, their eyes and hearts will be opened to hear more about the one who can meet not just their physical needs but also ALL of their spiritual needs and satisfy their deepest longings. 
   
   
   
   
   
4. As I was going back through some photos of the past year I saw more and more pictures of my kids with ice cream, or some type of treat. I do not ever want to forget to EAT THE ICE CREAM. Let's celebrate the small stuff, and the big stuff too of course. My daughter made it through the day without having a meltdown? Celebrate! I made it through the day without having a meltdown? Definitely a celebration! The sun is shining? Celebrate! You survived another day at work without losing it with one of your coworkers? Celebrate! God woke you up and gave you another day and another breath? Celebrate! He healed you or your family from covid? Have a great big celebration! Okay maybe not ice cream every time, but you get the idea. Find some way to talk about, smile about, and commemorate what God has done. Heck, bang on a pot with all your neighbors to show you support and celebrate those who are on the front lines fighting this nasty virus. I want to always remember the joy on my kids faces just to be able to open the window, make some noise, and celebrate living to see another day! Especially after a year like 2020 I feel like I became much more aware of His blessings, big and small, and that's a mindset I pray will stay with me for as long as I live! We have not advertised this to many but my sweet Maria started seeing a therapist towards the end of last year. I was already concerned about some of the behaviors she had been exhibiting from the onset of the pandemic and after talking to her pediatrician she referred us to a pediatric psychiatrist. She struggled immensely this past year, especially at the beginning of everything. So we have been meeting with this doctor approximately every 2 weeks since November and it has been such a blessing. She has given us several things to do at home with Maria to help her overcome her fear, anxiety, and worry. At our most recent visit Maria told her that one of the problems she had been having had gone from a 10 (meaning it was at the top of her list causing her fear and anxiety) to a 0. Guess what the doctor said about that? Yep, she said you need to get out and celebrate with that girl! Praise her, let others know how far she has come, make it a big deal. Life isn't forever, we are not promised tomorrow, so let's celebrate what God has done today.
   
   
   
   
   
5. Finally, God has impressed upon my heart this past year that LIFE IS FLEETING. Death is final. We have had some very hard conversations recently about death with individuals who are hurting, suffering, and trying to make sense of all that is going on in the world. God has been speaking to my heart that as a Christian I need to be bold. I need to speak up. I must be ready to share Christ with a world that so desperately needs him. If you're still here then it's not too late. God's not done with you yet! The amount of lives lost here in NYC and across the globe is unfathomable to me. It makes me sick to think about. However, the people in my circle, who I cross paths with everyday, who may not be physically dying but are spiritually dying, those are the people I need to pray for, love on, and speak up to about Jesus before it's too late. I truly believe Jesus will make his return sooner rather than later. Have I done all I can to share Jesus and make sure my neighbors, my community, my friends have a personal relationship with God through His son Jesus Christ? This sense of urgency in the gospel is a lesson I want to keep near to my heart until the Lord makes his return. 
   
   These people are waiting in line to get a little help meeting their physical needs. May we be quick to remember the people we know who so desperately need to have their spiritual needs met.
   

    2020 was a year I never want to forget. We can't go back and change it, but we can let it change what we do and how we live from here on out. Yes I want things to get back to "normal", whatever that is now. We would be remiss however to let the year 2020 go without remembering how we have changed and grown through it. So I'm curious. If you read this far and made it to the end, what are some things you learned this past year or some lessons you hope to carry with you for the future? There was a lot of bad that happened, but if we truly stop and think about it I have to believe God can bring something good from it. If you don't know Jesus personally as your Lord and Savior then please message me! It might just be that a personal relationship with the one who loves you, created you, and knows you is the good He is ready to bring out of this past year. I serve a God who specializes in redeeming and restoring that which was lost. He can do it for you. 

 

 

I will end with this video. It's a clip of one of my favorite memories from last year. Also, please don't mind the crazy screaming kid. She gets really, really excited, like A LOT. 😄

    

 

Faith for the Future

     What is the future of this great city to which God has called my family? Honestly, sometimes it looks so bleak. What do the coming weeks, months, years look like for the United States as we look toward a newly elected president? Is it possible to still have faith for the future? Global pandemic, mask mandates, shelter in place orders, lock downs, shut downs, racial discrimination, millions of acres on fire, hurricanes, police reform, murder hornets, record unemployment, election year divisiveness and just so much hatred - what a year 2020 has been! The world around us often seems to be in shambles, and it is all too easy to turn inward.  More than I care to admit, I am one who likes to stay at home, ignore the news, watch reruns of The Office, lay in my bed eating cereal and tune out the world. Anyone else out there relate? This past spring was hard. Living through the coronavirus pandemic in NYC was hard. Only through the grace of our powerful and almighty God, as well as ALLLLL the prayers and support from our faithful partners, were we able to work and serve and love on our community through the pandemic. Praise God we have made it through! The mental toll, though, remains to be seen. Mostly due to our mental health and also the well being of our children, we traveled back to Oklahoma in July and had the chance to spend time with our families, be out of the city for a bit, and have some room to breathe. Moses still is talking about the fact that he could get up in the morning and go outside at Grammy and Granddad's house to play with no pants on! Haha - it was such a freeing experience for him. It was exactly what we all needed! In fact, God in His infinite wisdom even allowed for a water leak in our building to delay myself and the kids from flying back to NYC and giving us an extra week in Oklahoma! It was great for us, not so much for Jordan who had to come back to an apartment with no water and holes being knocked in the walls of our bedroom. He's the real MVP! In the midst of sweet family time in Oklahoma, water leaks and unknown amounts of damage facing us back in NYC, and just the heaviness of heading back to a city so deeply impacted by COVID, God was speaking to my heart and reminding me that no matter what we are facing, we can have faith for the future.

     During that time in Oklahoma Jordan and I were able to get away together, just the two of us, and try to make some sort of plans for the future....mainly plans for the future of Everlasting Church. We both still feel so strongly that God has called us to the Bronx, made our family to be in the Bronx, and that we are right where we need to be. So I came back from our vacation so pumped! As we made plans to reopen the church, slowly of course, I just knew that there would all of the sudden be some huge increase. We would be overflowing with people and not have room for all who would come. Forget the fact that our church had been shut down for 5 months, life had been on pause, and we had lived through a global pandemic in one of the hardest hit cities in the country. I just knew that people would jump at the chance to come gather together for church, right? So yeah, that was not even close to reality. We started back up with a prayer meeting on Wednesday nights in the middle of August. Then in September we began meeting together on Sundays, incorporating two Sunday morning services to allow plenty of room for social distancing. Now don't get me wrong, we were (and still are!) ecstatic to be meeting in person again and those first several Wednesdays in August full of prayer were such a special time for us! However, the process has been slow....incredibly slow, often painfully slow. People are still afraid. People are still living on edge. Many people are so leery of venturing out and into crowds. And knowing what people have gone though in NYC, I completely understand why there is still an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety in many. Depression is running rampant. Not only that, but the pandemic has also affected jobs/job security so much that many individuals we know are being worked to the bone and required to be there on certain days/times, often on Sundays. There are battles being waged for the souls of this community. Satan has a stronghold over many. After the shutdown and getting out of the routine of going to church on Sundays the enemy has crept in. He is an enemy who knows our weaknesses, and it's all too easy to listen to the lies of the evil one rather than the truth of the Faithful One. We see the importance of streaming Sunday services online for those who are sick and as a way to stay connected to those who aren't ready to come back yet. But honestly, I wish everyone was ready to come back. Once again, when it comes to God's plan for Everlasting Church, I am going to need an EXTRA dose of faith for the future. 

     Now make no mistake - God has blessed us TREMENDOUSLY this year also. We have such a strong, committed group of beautiful souls who God has brought together to form Everlasting Church and who are ready to be back and jump in with both feet. The people God has allowed us to cross paths with and who have come on board with our vision and mission to "be a family forever, loving God and loving people" are an incredible blessing. Their willingness to serve in the midst of a global pandemic every single week (currently once a month) by putting together and handing out "blessing bags" is helping Everlasting Church make the gospel known here in Pelham Parkway, the Bronx, and to the ends of the earth. In fact, in the midst of this COVID-19 crisis, as a result of our blessing bag ministry in the community, God has brought in new faces to our faith family! Not only do we have an amazing church family here in the Bronx, but we also have such a strong committed group of partners from all over the United States who stand in the gap for us, pray for us, and faithfully support us. You all have jumped on board and gone ALL IN ever since March when we began asking for help with our blessing bags. Thank you for being an incredible blessing and encouragement. All of you who have contributed to this ministry, both near and far, have continually blown me away by your generosity. It's so humbling sometimes. You all who have continued to give, even in the midst of your own financial challenges have breathed life and breath into our weary souls. You all who continue to lift us up in prayer, you are literally lifting us up and helping carry us through. It is such an honor and joy to watch God work through His people. I just long for everyone to truly experience what it is to be a part of a church family. Especially after a year such as this, we need each other and we need the Lord! As I see how God has brought us through the challenges and difficulties of this year I am reminded that I can have faith for the future because of all He's done in the past. 

     We were finally able to start back to school in person the beginning of October. Maria started 2nd grade and Moses began his schooling career and entered pre-k. Both of them only go part of the week and are at home the rest of the week. But they both ask EVERY SINGLE DAY to go to school in person. We love and respect both of their schools and the teachers/administrators who are there day in and day out. So to say the kids were excited is an understatement! To say I needed faith for the future is also an understatement. This is really about the time that my anxiety tried to get the best of me. Moment of truth - I have gone through periods of anxiety/panic attacks off and on since starting this whole church planting journey - it is a process y'all. Anyway, I was waking up in the mornings again with a feeling of panic, heaviness, and inexplicable fear. Of course I was praying and seeking God's word but to be honest, I had no earthly idea if this would prove to be the right choice for them. The debate on whether or not children should be allowed back in the schools at all got heated. As many parents vocalized their thoughts and opinions I began to wonder if I was just sending my kid in as a guinea pig to see the coronavirus explode and hope and pray they make it out alive. Jordan and I went back and forth on whether or not we should subject our kids to such an unsafe environment. Many parents just came right out and made it clear that if you were opting to send your kids back to school you were making the wrong choice. Then on top of all that, the DOE comes out with their new requirement that all kids going in to the school will be randomly subjected to COVID testing at the school, without the parent present, and if you do not consent to it your child can be forced to become 100% remote and not be allowed back into the building. As I feel like my rights as a parent in the NYC public school system are slowly dissipating, as I listen to news briefings from our elected officials about how we are making our way back to a "shelter in place"or shutdown mandate, and as I worry about how my highly sensitive child is struggling to make sense of it all and how it will affect her long term if we have to quarantine again, I struggle with grasping the idea that we can have faith for the future. Raising kids in this world is just so dang overwhelming sometimes. But I know they are not my kids to begin with anyway. I'm so thankful God saw fit to allow me and Jordan to be able to steward these little human lives. While I have no clue what the future holds for these little ones I do know who holds their future, and that gives me all the hope in the world. I can have faith for their future because I know it lies in the hands of our Almighty God, and He will work all things out for our good AND His glory. The process to get there might be tough, and often does not look like I would choose it to look, but it is worth it.   

     However. in the midst of so many questions, not a lot of answers, fears of the unknown and what-ifs, in-person school some days and remote schooling other days, lots of tears and frustrations trying to figure it all out, God has confirmed again and again that He is faithful and I can trust Him with the future. One way He does that for me is in the little, day to day activities and moments. He is such a perfect Heavenly Father to give such sweet reminders of His love on a regular basis. Over the last few months we have been able to have quite a few "normal" moments! There have been many trips back to the Bronx Zoo and now, finally, everything is open again! We also got to celebrate Labor Day at our favorite place - Orchard Beach - with friends. Our family has started going camping each summer and we were able to continue that tradition. Also, my personal favorite fall activity still took place - apple picking! We were able to celebrate another year of life with our favorite girl, do some trick-or-treating, and most recently start getting ready for Christmas - the most wonderful time of the year!

 

      I'll end with this.....even something as simple as a story about school from my 7 year old daughter has reminded me time and time again these last few weeks that we can have faith for the future. One day as we were walking home Maria shared with me about a boy in her class who was quite upset and crying. She said the teachers knew about it, other kids saw it, and no one said anything. He was not hurt or sick or anything, she just simply told me he was having a rough day. Maria sits closest to him, so she said she tried her best to show him kindness and offer him words of comfort. In these days of social distancing and limited human contact, she was trying to cheer him up and be a friend on what was obviously a bad day. Now, I know this might not seem like much, and I'm sure my daughter has already forgotten about it, but God has used that simple act of kindness Maria showed to her friend at school to speak volumes to my anxious heart. I don't know what kind of policies or procedures our new president will put in place. I don't know what New York City is going to look like in the coming months and years as we face the effects of COVID. I don't know what else the NYC DOE is going to come up with to put parents in uncomfortable situations. I don't know what the world is going to look like for Christians in the future and what kinds of Biblical values and morals will be put on the line. There is so much I just don't know. Most of the time I am planning for the next day at about 11:00 pm the night before. However, one thing I do know is that if my daughter continues to grow up and look for opportunities to show kindness and the love of Jesus to those around her, she's going to be alright. If, with the Lord's help, these two little humans I am raising grow up to think about others and the needs of those around them rather than just their own selfish desires, this world will continue to improve. In fact, if we can all remember to spread a little kindness, show a little compassion, offer people a little more love and grace, and allow Jesus to shine a little brighter, then you bet we can have faith for the future. The world is desperately looking for something real, something solid to grasp on to. The days of watching the news are about over for me, it is impossible to trust anything they say or do. I just had a conversation this past week with a neighbor about what is really true and what the Bible says about eternity. A great many are confused and deceived. So moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles, and any other types of caregivers out there - let's strive to raise up a generation of kids who are kind, who look out for the needs of those around them, who love their neighbors AS MUCH as they love themselves, and who seek to be the hands and feet of Jesus. The world will see that Jesus is real through our love. There are so many of you out there who are doing just that, I see so many who are doing just that. And it is what helps give me great faith for the future.