Psychologists, Physical Therapy, and Parenting Growth - The Covid School Year

 

Above - last day of school June 25

Below - Lake George June 27

     The school year here in NYC finished up a little over a month ago and by golly THAT WEEKEND we took off for Lake George and the mountains and nothing filled our brains but what we were going to eat for our next meal and how long we could stay on the beach/in the water! Seriously though it has taken every bit of this past month for me to process all the past year entailed. I know for all of us, everywhere, the 2020/2021 school year took it's toll. I cannot imagine the weight placed on teachers and all school staff as decisions were made to try and safely care for and yet still educate each school community. The burden placed on my fellow parents this past year as we tried to make the best decision we could for our children and our families in regards to education still weighs heavy on my heart. There have been many days I wondered if we made the right choice for our kids by sending them in to school part of the week (every day of the week was not an option at the beginning of the year in NYC), and then having to deal with school closures, shut downs, and day to day uncertainty. However, I long to remember the good, the bad, and the ugly of it all because here we are after having finished the mother of all school years, on the other side of it, and my kids and I are still mostly in one piece! All of the credit, all of the honor, all of the praise for that is due to the faithfulness of the God we serve, and also the incredible prayer warriors and partners we have alongside us on this journey. Side note: I've said it before and I'll keep saying it - if you are not part of a Bible believing church family you are missing out! Find one, keep trying until you do. The prayers of God's people are powerful and effective and sustaining. So thank you to each one of you who have been a part of this journey! My thoughts and memories on the past school year can be pretty much summed up with the three different things listed in the title of this blog post. 

 

First day of online school for Maria - Sept. 16, 2020 

First day of in person school for Moses - Sept. 17, 2020

     So let's just jump right in to it. This was my first experience ever seeking help from a trained medical doctor in regards to mental health. But it was not for me, it was for my 7 year old daughter. I'll get into more of the details but let me just say it was SO GOOD for us and I think everyone should see a therapist now and then! Okay, maybe just everyone who lives in NYC because it is nuts here. Anyway, our scheduled start day for school was the week after Labor Day but as the date approached it was clear there were more questions than answers from the NYC DOE and that they were not at all ready to bring students back. So the year started off rocky and uncertain, as pretty much everything was in 2020. We had a start date, then it continued to get pushed back further and further, until finally they announced that every one would start the year remotely. However, Moses was starting pre-k at a local community center. He was not at a regular NYC public school. So of course, he started right on time. My sweet Maria, who is so social and loves school and loves people, had to sit at home and learn from an iPad while her younger brother gets to go in to school and she WAS NOT HAVING IT. We made her a space to work in her room, made her a desk area with her name on it, bought her all the new school supplies, and the excitement for that lasted all of maybe half a day before she was totally over it. Well thank the Lord she was finally allowed to go into school in person on October 1! But at the same time the excitement of it all was definitely overshadowed by the daily health screenings that had to be filled out and turned in, temperature checks at the front door, desks 6 feet apart in classrooms, no trips to the cafeteria or recess, and the possibility of randomly being chosen to be COVID tested at school. This girl does not handle anything well that has to do with doctors or sickness and so each day she went to the school building we were faced with the possibility of a COVID test. The changes were overwhelming to say the least for the adults, how much more was that multiplied in her young mind. She was in school yes, but oh how different it was. 

 

Waiting for health screening and temp check first day of in person school - Oct. 1, 2020

 

     Next up was her birthday which my parents have always been with her in person to help celebrate. We knew of course with the travel restrictions in NY and the quarantine rules that it would not be possible for her grandparents to come, but it still hurt. After that the positive COVID cases in her school started to pop up and we were faced with her school being shut down for cleaning and we were literally on a day to day basis....waiting for the email in the evening to see whether or not her school would be open the next day. We had the anticipation for about a month of Thanksgiving because my parents were planning to come, which got us all excited. We have never had family with us on Thanksgiving since moving to NYC. Well as 2020 would have it the kids got sick the beginning of Thanksgiving week and those plans also got canceled. Now don't get me wrong, with all that the city had been through in 2020 we are grateful and thankful and blessed that the Lord protected our family. However, to a 7 year old girl, who her whole life has always been so full of big feelings and big emotions, these were some major blows to her. She was not handling any of it well. We had some pretty terrible days at home. If you know my mother don't ask her how many times I called in the evenings crying, defeated, and pretty sure the whole year was going to be a gigantic fail. Maria had some pretty intense meltdowns and it always seemed to manifest itself in her as some sort of worrisome or anxious thoughts. It was either the best day of her life or the worst day of her life, and many of them were the worst. She was so full of anxiety about school, her family, and even I noticed it as we started walking around the streets of the Bronx. So finally we had her yearly appointment with the pediatrician and after unloading all my thoughts and concerns on her she recommended without hesitation that we see a child psychologist. I didn't know what to expect at all and I honestly thought she might just go straight to suggesting some sort of medication. I was nervous but again, God Almighty in all of His grace and goodness, led us to a wonderful child psychologist. We did not begin meeting with her until after Christmas but she was a God-send. Through weekly sessions she helped Maria and myself learn more about how to think through and process some of these feelings in different ways and IT WORKED! The meltdowns became fewer, the anxiety about school and COVID lessened, and slowly but surely we faced these demons and Maria actually finished the program showing very little anxiety. I will never stop recommending meeting with a medical professional to face mental health issues head on. In fact, I myself was recently referred by my primary care doctor to go see a therapist as I've been told I'm now dealing with panic attacks. But that's another story for another time. Anyway, child psychologists who know their stuff are a wonderful resource if you have a child dealing with anxiety, stress, or any other mental health issue. Seek help if you need it, it's worth it. It's a time commitment though. It definitely changed our routine at home. The doctor gave us things to work on at home so we had to put in the time and effort together to tackle these issues but it's something I never want to forget. SO much bonding took place between my sweet daughter and myself as each evening before bed we talked through what she had written in her "worry journal" throughout the day. She would not let a day pass without discussing it and it became some special time between the two of us. So for that, I am grateful. 

     Our special one-on-one time also included plenty of treats, frozen yogurt, and even a trip to the slime museum!

 

     So, not only did the effects of COVID show up in our family through mental health issues, but it also affected Maria physically. This was actually my first sign that something was up with my daughter. Early on in 2020, about March when all the schools shut down for the first time, she started walking on her toes. She had never walked on her toes. I know now it was the way she responded to feeling stressed, and she told the psychologist that at our first meeting. She would tense up her whole body all the way down to pointing her toes, and it became a habit to walk that way. She's always been an all or nothing type of girl. 😉 And what she was feeling she felt in her entire being. Because of COVID though I was not about to take my child anywhere near a hospital or doctor's office if it wasn't absolutely necessary. So we did nothing. Looking back I probably should have taken her into the pediatrician sooner or sought some sort of input from a medical professional, but we honestly just thought it would go away. It did not go away. In fact it just became second nature to her and got to the point she didn't even realize she was on her toes. She walked that way all the time. So after a visit to a neurologist and a rehabilitation doctor we learned that her bones had grown but because she was always up on her toes her muscles have not grown properly. And that's something that needs to be corrected. Since April this precious child has gone faithfully twice a week to physical therapy. As an added bonus, she also now has to wear leg braces that are made so that they do not allow her to even go up on her toes and are retraining her how to walk properly. So not only have we been working this year on retraining our brain and the way we think about things, but now we are trying to retrain the body. It's been a heck of a school year for sure. This past week as I sat at physical therapy and watched Maria struggle through the exercises with her braces on her legs I was overcome with compassion for this remarkable human being. It's so easy as an adult to get into the mindset of let's just suck it up and do what needs to be done and push through the hard things. But God gently reminded that after a year like we've had, and after I've watched her do these hard things on a weekly basis, she needs me to show her that she has my unconditional love and support. I am unbelievably proud of her and all that she has accomplished.

 

Working hard at physical therapy 2 times per week, every week since March 2021

     Which I guess leads me into the final part of what I want to remember from the COVID school year and that is how much growth this year brought about in me as a parent. I have only been a parent about 8 years, so obviously I still have a lot of learning and growing to do, but this year seemed to magnify some different areas that I needed a little help with. Quick story: as we woke up a few days before Christmas to head to the airport and fly to Oklahoma to celebrate with our family, Maria was a basket case....but in a good way! She just kept saying she was crying tears of joy because she could not actually believe that we were really going to get to go. The plans we had made for Christmas were really happening! She had been preparing herself for those plans to fail. She had been telling herself that it probably would not happen and it was clear she expected to be disappointed. As I look back on it I'm sure it was in her head for months and was showing up as meltdowns and anxiety and stress as she did not know how to process all the disappointments. My daughter feels so deeply and wears her heart on her sleeve, and that is such a foreign concept to me. I am pretty much the exact opposite in every way. So what am I to do with this beautiful young lady whose heart has been placed in my care? 

 

I guess we make more trips to the mall! This girl LOVES all the shopping! Me....not so much. But for her, I'll do it.

      On a more serious note though, God has made it more clear to me this year than ever before how important God-given wisdom is. I absolutely cannot be a good steward of her heart, one that seems so opposite from my own, without wisdom and insight from the God who created her and knows her intimately. I've always heard the verse from James 1:5 which says "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God" but this year that verse came alive more than ever and God showed me that He is ready and willing to give wisdom generously to those who ask. To be honest I had not been in the habit of asking for wisdom regularly before this COVID school year. Sure I would pray for her and for wisdom, but this past year taught me how much I NEED it daily. I remember vividly one particular school day at home where I was super frustrated with the whole entire system of everything and Maria was crying about something and I was about to pop off with a non Holy Spirit led comment, to put it nicely. I felt like God literally grabbed hold of my tongue and held my words, and my attitude and thoughts changed suddenly! I was overwhelmed with compassion instead of anger and patience instead of frustration. God had truly given me new wisdom in the midst of an overwhelming situation. He showed me just how powerful God-given wisdom truly is. It's available to every believer too if you just ask and it is incredible when God's wisdom takes over in a situation! God also grew in me compassion for my daughter. To be honest sometimes it's hard to really take joy in parenting her because there is always SO MUCH EMOTION. Now don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and she brings so much life and joy to our family and I wouldn't change her for anything! But through this last school year I feel God has given me more understanding of her. As we did our daily worry journal each evening there was a period of time where we read Psalm 139:13-16 and talked about how she is "fearfully and wonderfully made" and that God has ordained all of her days. As we went over these verses day after day the truth of God's word came alive for me and I began to see more of how she is "fearfully and wonderfully made". In order to continue to grow in Godly wisdom we have to be in God's word. The more Maria and I did that together the more I began to grow in compassion for her and the more she began to realize that she is an anointed child of God and that He has great big plans for her, emotions and feelings and all! Finally, God showed me that in order for her to grow as His child, she has to be able to stand on the truth. That truth is a person and His name is Jesus and it's my job to do everything in my power to point her to the cross. So this COVID school year we looked to the truth of who Jesus is every morning before school. Some mornings were harder than others, some mornings it didn't happen at all in the morning, but consistency is the key and we were better than we were the year before, so that's a win in my book! We were in the word, we were reading His promises, and we were going about our day with Him before us, not behind us. This COVID school year taught me so much more that it's hard to put it all into words. He is alive and active friends and His heart is for families. Even when we think we've screwed up this year taught me it's not too late. My God is the God who can restore and redeem when we think we've already failed. If you don't know this, ask me about it and I'd love to tell you more of what He can do in your life and the life of your family!