Goodbye 9 to 5, Hello Maria

    
     The velcro shoe was too tight, then it was too loose, I gave her the wrong box of raisins (they are all identical), she asked for a drink of water then cried when it wasn't apple juice, we don't want to wash our hands after we literally just rubbed them in pee on the toilet, I gave her the wrong towel to dry her hands on; I've got a pretty good list going but these are just a few of the reasons we I mean she had meltdowns today.

     It has been one week since I left my 9 to 5 job in the oil and gas industry and became a stay at home mom.  And I think today Maria only cried a handful of times for her daddy and slightly less for Ms. Dana, her previous babysitter.  I just won't tell y'all how many times I cried for Ms. Dana too! And I've only got one...you moms with 2, 3, 4, or more kids...you "da real MVP".

     But seriously, I know I am going to love these days with my sweet daughter and am thanking God for opening this door for our family.  It's just honestly kind of an odd place to be in right now.  I never imagined I would be in the oil and gas industry for 10 years and I swore that when I had kids I would not be a working mom.  This was mainly due to the fact that I had the best stay at home mom there was, so that was what I was accustomed to; and I just figured it would work out the same in my little family.  So our kid was born and I said I'd just work 3 more months, then that turned into 6, then just to the end of the year....you get the picture.  But here we are two and a half years later and I just now got around to it.  And then there were feelings of guilt for actually liking being a working mom!  Feelings...so many feelings happening over these last several months. 
     It definitely was not the oil and gas industry that I was holding on to however.  I'm so thankful and grateful for the jobs I've had and the connections that have been made; but numbers, spreadsheets, data are just not my heart.  But my goodness, the comfort, stability, predictability of the day to day, that's where it's at y'all...I'm so old.  We had a routine and it worked for us.  I am very much one who likes routine.  I mean, I am a math major; I like what I can know for sure and count on it to happen.  That's what I've held on to for far too long. 

     So here comes God and He's doing what only God can do.  Time to throw this stability, predictability, and certain comfort that I looked for in my every day life out the window I suppose.  I've quit my job, Jordan will be done with his in a little over a week, and I've got no idea what's coming next.  Satan's had me right where he wants me for too long though.  Clearly I've put more hope and assurance in a job, insurance, salary, whatever, than in Jesus. So this new journey is already teaching me many things, but in particular I just need to take things one day at a time, and trust in the Lord's plan, not mine.  Plus, if I try to look too far down the road, that's when Maria and I start to have our daily meltdowns together.  God's been so faithful to us in the past, I know He will continue to be in the future.
     Now, we are only a week into this people and I've totally already cried, with Maria and a blankie, in her crib sized bed.  Not my proudest moment.  Just know these big changes don't come easy for everyone.  

     However, Jesus is good, and Jesus is worth it....every single time.  I believe that, even when I might not feel it.  And I'm claiming for myself verses like this one -

"You are my shelter and my shield;

I put my hope in your word" 

Psalm 119:114